URG!!!!

So, I'm at home being bored. I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me or not... or what the hell is going on anymore.



Lets see, I've given up on looking for a guy for a while... Reason why, the last year or two, Every time I've decided I actually really liked a guy, he's decided he likes one of my female friends who is younger, skinnier & prettier than me. What is it? Once you hit 22 your no longer attractive. Or is it that I'm not as small as my best female friend? I'll tell you what I used to be alot bigger than I am now. And its been hard to get to where I am now.

Anyway, one of my guy friends told me that its not because they're younger, prettier or skinnier than me... That it is because they're upbeat and happy.. I say not so. They can be in a crabby mood, look like they've had a bad week and appearently they're still more attractive than me or something.

I can't help it that I'm not like so many other girls out there trying to lead a guy on, just so she can see what she can get out of them. I don't like leading guys on. It's horrible. If I even think I've started to lead a guy on I start feeling guilty. I don't like guilt its very uncomfortable.

Maybe, my problem is I'm slightly old fashioned in the fact that I would like to get to know a guy first. That and the fact that I'm not looking to just go out and sleep with someone...



On to the other thing that's been bugging me tonight. This is the second weekend in a row that I've been ditched. And tonight was the second night in a row I've been ditched. I try really hard to understand but its getting harder. It's gotten really important to me to have a social life because I'm trying to not fall into a bout of depression but, I think I'm already there. I've been trying to not be particularly 'female' about this.

So, here is an important question. To game or not to game? OR To hang out or not to hang out? Maybe that really is the question. Hell, most of the time I don't know which way is up anymore. With so many things happening around me. Is it so bad to want some sort of stability? And where is this coming from? Where is usually comes from.. FRUSTRATION. I'm frustrated because I put aside time to do this, that, or the other thing with people and it friggin doesn't happen. Honestly all it says to me is that I think enough of you to make plans but your not important enough to follow through.



Heh, and people wonder why I'm not friggin chipper all the damned time! Come on people you can only be shat on so many times before it affects your self-esteem and self-worth.

Improved...

...But still has a ton of potential.







This is just one of a few edited versions of this picture.
First, I Cropped it, cutting out a window sill and most of the file cabinet.
Second, I changed the Color Temperature. Now the coloring is closer to how I remember it.
Third, I used a Soft Focus on it. It gives it a kind of dreamy feeling.

Before Picture

This picture is of their first drink together.

Its after 9pm...

So yeah it's after 9pm on a Friday night. Kind of a bummer. I broke one of my nails today it was splintering and finally broke and tore today and it hurt.. Oh boy did it hurt. So I went and got my nails done tonight. I know, it was an incredibly girly thing to do but that's ok. I think I can live with the ramifications of that. Although its really interesting typing like this. I know I used to type really fast with fake nails... I guess I'm just waaay out of practice.. So that's all for right now...

So I finally found it! It really only took me one email to have it found. Anyway, its an old picture that was used for a publication.

Post from Digital Photography

A post I did for my Digital Photography class. I thought it might go well here too.

~K


Why I Take Photographs & 5 Pictures I Wish I Took But Didn't

Why do I take photographs? That is actually a really good question. When I was younger I remember looking at old photos that some relative had taken and imagining what it was like to be there. A sort of adventure if you will. But as I grew older and started taking photographs for myself it was more because of the joy of taking pictures then anything else. And later it became partly to remember. To create pictures kind of like the ones I used to look at when I was younger so that my siblings could remember things that had happened when we were younger or maybe one day when I have children they can look at a picture I took and imagine.

Pictures I wish I would have taken but didn't...


* The look on my father's face when my little sister and her fiance called for permission for her to get married. Especially the look considering we don't have contact with our father.

* Sweety, my old female tabby with a double crook in her tail, in a giant blue rubbermaid storage container being a wetnurse to a litter of kittens that belonged to one of our other cats.

* The look on Keavin's face when my sister face when she said 'Yes' after the millionth time of asking her to marry him.

* My adopted niece, all pale and gooey right after she was born. She kind of looked like a Shar-pei. I know its mean, but it was adorable.

* My mom when she was pregnant with my brother or my sister. While she was reading to them, the morning sunlight shining in from the window behind her filtering through her longer blonde hair and looking slightly tired but she still had that healthy, pregnant glow that made her absolutely stunning.