29 March 2013
*Fangirl Squee*
I was looking around facebook and I found a beautiful piece of Doctor WHO fandom in the form a crafty little project. How awesome. Check it out.
12 November 2008
Why do people...
...comment on old posts that are obviously just a momentary thought? I mean this isn't really a question that needs answered, it's just another momentary thought.
Been up late helping a friend plan her wedding. Interesting stuff. I think if I ever decide to make that leap I'll try for something relatively small. Just close friends and family. Or better yet maybe I'll just elope.
I was never one of those girls who dreamed of the man she would marry. Let alone one who planned her dream wedding as a child complete with scrapbooks full of dress designs, pieces of fabric, or pictures of the "perfect spot". I was too busy being one of the guys, riding bikes and playing in the woods, building forts. Hell I never expected to live as long as I have.
But, I love her so I'll help her. Lucky for her we think alot alike and I have a good eye for color schemes and design. One way or another this is going to work and it'll be a beautiful wedding. Now if only I can think of a place to have this thing. Now that would make this planning thing go so much faster.
Been up late helping a friend plan her wedding. Interesting stuff. I think if I ever decide to make that leap I'll try for something relatively small. Just close friends and family. Or better yet maybe I'll just elope.
I was never one of those girls who dreamed of the man she would marry. Let alone one who planned her dream wedding as a child complete with scrapbooks full of dress designs, pieces of fabric, or pictures of the "perfect spot". I was too busy being one of the guys, riding bikes and playing in the woods, building forts. Hell I never expected to live as long as I have.
But, I love her so I'll help her. Lucky for her we think alot alike and I have a good eye for color schemes and design. One way or another this is going to work and it'll be a beautiful wedding. Now if only I can think of a place to have this thing. Now that would make this planning thing go so much faster.
07 May 2008
15 January 2008
Couldn't Sleep
So the Muses held my pillows hostage until I finished their bidding. Why do they think that just because they can inspire people that they can keep me from my sleep?? It's not like I get very much good sleep anyway. Why can't my muses be nice like Serendipity. At least she looked good in pigtails and BCGs!
It was not what she saw that caught her off guard, but what happened when she went to sleep that did…
As she drifted off to sleep her body began to feel weightless. Without warning she felt as if she were floating up. Then with sightless eyes started flying across the night sky to her unknown destination. As she descended to the earth once more, she regained her sight. Only to find herself in the dark with vision dim. But even with the lack of light she could not mistake who was standing there in front of her. Even at the impossibility she knew she was standing in front of him. It had to be so.. She could feel him, she could see him.
He looked as if he had seen a ghost, like he couldn't believe his own eyes. He began to approach her as if an invisible hand was guiding him, like a parched man driven to the beautiful cool water of a desert oasis.
As he silently reached for her, she quickly closed the distance between them and held him tight to her, burying her head in his chest filling her senses with the way he smelled. Every sane thought left her head as she felt his heart beat, and felt the heat radiating from his body. She had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity to see him again. No more thoughts of how or where or why she was there. But only that he was there with her.
They stood there silently holding each other, wishing against wish that the other would not suddenly disappear.
As he held her to him he forgot the danger of their surroundings. All he could do was drink in the feel and sweet scent of her. Soon he began to feel dampness where her face was pressed against him. He pulled back from her to look into her face to discover that she was crying. The fact that she was crying gripped his heart like a vice. So he did the only thing he could think of..
At seeing the tears she shed he lowered his lips to her eyes to gently kiss them away. Following the stream of tears with his kisses he arrived at her soft lips. Very lightly laying a lingering kiss on her lips begging, entreating her to open up to him. When she finally did it was as if a storm of emotion and passion were let loose.
When she awoke, she felt as if she had fallen and bounced on her bed. She remembered only part of her dream. But what was more important was how she felt. She felt relaxed, content, sated…
Comments would be cool.. And yeah, I know its a bunch of fluff. ^_^
It was not what she saw that caught her off guard, but what happened when she went to sleep that did…
As she drifted off to sleep her body began to feel weightless. Without warning she felt as if she were floating up. Then with sightless eyes started flying across the night sky to her unknown destination. As she descended to the earth once more, she regained her sight. Only to find herself in the dark with vision dim. But even with the lack of light she could not mistake who was standing there in front of her. Even at the impossibility she knew she was standing in front of him. It had to be so.. She could feel him, she could see him.
He looked as if he had seen a ghost, like he couldn't believe his own eyes. He began to approach her as if an invisible hand was guiding him, like a parched man driven to the beautiful cool water of a desert oasis.
As he silently reached for her, she quickly closed the distance between them and held him tight to her, burying her head in his chest filling her senses with the way he smelled. Every sane thought left her head as she felt his heart beat, and felt the heat radiating from his body. She had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity to see him again. No more thoughts of how or where or why she was there. But only that he was there with her.
They stood there silently holding each other, wishing against wish that the other would not suddenly disappear.
As he held her to him he forgot the danger of their surroundings. All he could do was drink in the feel and sweet scent of her. Soon he began to feel dampness where her face was pressed against him. He pulled back from her to look into her face to discover that she was crying. The fact that she was crying gripped his heart like a vice. So he did the only thing he could think of..
At seeing the tears she shed he lowered his lips to her eyes to gently kiss them away. Following the stream of tears with his kisses he arrived at her soft lips. Very lightly laying a lingering kiss on her lips begging, entreating her to open up to him. When she finally did it was as if a storm of emotion and passion were let loose.
When she awoke, she felt as if she had fallen and bounced on her bed. She remembered only part of her dream. But what was more important was how she felt. She felt relaxed, content, sated…
Comments would be cool.. And yeah, I know its a bunch of fluff. ^_^
A Try at Writing...
I wrote this right after my birthday last year..
As I sit amongst friends with conversation, laughter and goodwill, I am alone. You ask me what is wrong and who has wronged me. I can not answer for any wrongdoing is fiction. As you try to lighten my mood it only makes my heart ache all the more. For it makes me feel for you all the more. I dare not say anything of my feelings for fear of rejection and hatred. I want to tell you but to what purpose? what end? You, like those before you shall leave and my heart breaks again. Every time I think on it, my heart bleeds. I didn't want this.. I didn't ask for this but it is here. What to do with it?
As I sit amongst friends with conversation, laughter and goodwill, I am alone. You ask me what is wrong and who has wronged me. I can not answer for any wrongdoing is fiction. As you try to lighten my mood it only makes my heart ache all the more. For it makes me feel for you all the more. I dare not say anything of my feelings for fear of rejection and hatred. I want to tell you but to what purpose? what end? You, like those before you shall leave and my heart breaks again. Every time I think on it, my heart bleeds. I didn't want this.. I didn't ask for this but it is here. What to do with it?
Old Piece of Writing..
I think I probably wrote this sometime in May 2005.
On the eve of such a horrible event that shook them both to the core, the eve of a friends death. They sat in her living room talking, trying to rationalize what had just happened. Attempting to understand what really happened to their friend.. They sat together for hours just talking.
At some point she had leaned over and had come to rest her head on his chest, so now she was half laying down. She was trying not to fall asleep even though she really needed to rest because she had work the next morning. So she lay there listening to what he was saying and listening to the steady beat of his heart.
Where she was so tired she asked to be excused if her falling asleep were to happen and snuggled in. She had her arm slung across his waist and was massaging his side. A feeble attempt in comforting him for she had no clue what to say. With the exception of reminding him that she would be there to listen and that she loved him.
After a while when nothing more could be said they just sat there, holding each other. Taking comfort in each others closeness. She continued to massage his side still not knowing what to do or say.
He began rubbing her arm and then up and down her side. It felt very good. And she actually started to feel guilty for the pleasure she was feeling in the midst of so much unhappiness.
When she raised her head to say something about it, she looked up and looked into his eyes. All she could see was this tremendous sorrow and need. It was hard to tell which was stronger, the sorrow or the need for human contact.
In that split second when she looked in his eyes and felt that she was looking at his soul. She felt like she was being pulled in. And as she tilted her head further back and he cradled the back of her neck with his hand, they kissed. It was innocent enough, but it felt like if she didn't have more than just that one kiss that she would drown. That the only way to save herself was to be pulled in to the torrential storm. To abandon what little sense that remained.
She abandoned her wits. Greed or need on her part? She had no clue. But then when they kissed again and her brain drowned. She could only exist right then and right there. With the only shelter from the storm being him.. Maybe they were the storm.
So many emotions that night. So many things left unsaid. Its sad that what brought them together was such a tragic event. And maybe she saw things that weren’t there.. Or maybe they were. Maybe she was naïve and a romantic at that.
Thoughts or comments...
On the eve of such a horrible event that shook them both to the core, the eve of a friends death. They sat in her living room talking, trying to rationalize what had just happened. Attempting to understand what really happened to their friend.. They sat together for hours just talking.
At some point she had leaned over and had come to rest her head on his chest, so now she was half laying down. She was trying not to fall asleep even though she really needed to rest because she had work the next morning. So she lay there listening to what he was saying and listening to the steady beat of his heart.
Where she was so tired she asked to be excused if her falling asleep were to happen and snuggled in. She had her arm slung across his waist and was massaging his side. A feeble attempt in comforting him for she had no clue what to say. With the exception of reminding him that she would be there to listen and that she loved him.
After a while when nothing more could be said they just sat there, holding each other. Taking comfort in each others closeness. She continued to massage his side still not knowing what to do or say.
He began rubbing her arm and then up and down her side. It felt very good. And she actually started to feel guilty for the pleasure she was feeling in the midst of so much unhappiness.
When she raised her head to say something about it, she looked up and looked into his eyes. All she could see was this tremendous sorrow and need. It was hard to tell which was stronger, the sorrow or the need for human contact.
In that split second when she looked in his eyes and felt that she was looking at his soul. She felt like she was being pulled in. And as she tilted her head further back and he cradled the back of her neck with his hand, they kissed. It was innocent enough, but it felt like if she didn't have more than just that one kiss that she would drown. That the only way to save herself was to be pulled in to the torrential storm. To abandon what little sense that remained.
She abandoned her wits. Greed or need on her part? She had no clue. But then when they kissed again and her brain drowned. She could only exist right then and right there. With the only shelter from the storm being him.. Maybe they were the storm.
So many emotions that night. So many things left unsaid. Its sad that what brought them together was such a tragic event. And maybe she saw things that weren’t there.. Or maybe they were. Maybe she was naïve and a romantic at that.
Thoughts or comments...
NaNoWriMo Rough Draft
Originally Posted Elsewhere November 6, 2007
As I sit here, sipping my coffee and listening to all the conversations around me I wonder what on Earth I am doing here. Its not like I have not like I don’t have a life or anything. I do , I really do.
“Where are you at?” “Huh, what? Oh, I’m just thinking,” I say to Cass. “What in the world are you thinking now?” “I don‘t know…” I can‘t possibly tell her what I really don‘t know myself.
“Bullshit! You know very well what your thinking. Your thinking about Him again, aren’t you?”
Like I said, I can’t possibly lie to her.
“Well if you knew what I was thinking about, why did you even bother asking?” “Because, you need to admit it to yourself and say it out loud. Besides, if you keep moping around like this people are going to seriously start thinking there is something really wrong with you.”
I guess she has a point though. Cass always has a point. For being the younger one of the two of us, she keeps trying to mother me. Perhaps it’s the fact that she’s the one of us who is about to be a mother. I have to admit the role reversal feels strange. Especially considering I’ve been her support for years. I just wish I would have been able to have shielded her from some of the things she’s been through.
“How’s Li’l Adria doing?” I ask with a smile hoping to change the subject. “She’s fine. She’s going to end up a kick boxer or gymnast the way she keeps going.” Good, Cass looks like she’s starting to relax again.
“Why do you keep changing the subject when any of us show some concern?” Uh-oh, busted again. “Wes, I have no clue what your talking about.” “ Quit lying to us. We know there’s something wrong.” Good ol’ Wes, straight to the point as ever. “I thought I told you two to stay out of my head. Heck, there’s barely enough room in here for me. Cass you should know better its not good for the baby!” “Heh, she’s probably the worst of us. You know you can’t keep her out. She’s worried about you too.” “Thanks Cass, make me feel bad.” “Well, we all love you, Kisa. So, you might as well come out with it. We‘ll call Rory and have him come down here if you don‘t.”
Oh, boy. I guess there’s no keeping things to oneself with this crowd. Might as well… “Okay, okay already. Since you guys won’t leave me alone until I do. I’m worried. I haven’t heard from ____ in awhile. I know he’s in Iraq and he’s probably on a mission but I’m still worried. I can’t help it. I love the bastard.”
“Sweetie, I’m sure he’s fine. You know you’d be one of the first one to know if something were to happen.” Concern still clung to Cass’ voice. “I know.”
Of course I knew. His mom and I ended up becoming great friends when he decided to join. He’s one of my closest friends yet he chose to make the decision without talking to me. He made the decision without talking to anyone. I guess I’m still a little bit bitter about that. But, anytime his mom gets word from him, I get a phone call. What worries me is she hasn’t heard from him in a while.. It seems like its been too long since either of us has heard anything.
“Anyway, its not like you too were dating or anything. Ouch! Cass what was that for?? Its true though!” Cass had kicked Wes in the shin under the table. And if looks could kill he‘d be at the very least maimed. “I know that, you know that, and she knows that. It doesn’t mean you have to be so blunt about it. You could have been a lot nicer bringing it up!” “Bring what up?”
What are they thinking. I mean all of us are really good at reading each other and other people but I don’t like to. I can’t stand the headaches that come with doing it. And I’m sure there’s some ethical reason why its wrong to peak into others’ minds.
“Kisa, we think that you should get out and see people.” “But I am out seeing people! I’m out seeing you guys!” Cass rolled her eyes. “That’s totally not what we meant and you know it. You can’t sit around here moping and waiting for something that may never come, may never happen!” I start to slide down in my seat because what she says hits hard.
“Do you guys need refills on those coffees?” Lindsay calls from over by the coffee pots “Only if mine is decaf” Cass calls out. “Yes, please. Some more coffee would be lovely” I chime in. “Its not like you two haven’t drank enough to flood Rhode Island already.” “Then, thank god we’re not in Rhode Island!” I retort. Lindsay, Cass and I bust up laughing. “You guys are just too entertaining.” “See we knew there was a reason you and the other waitresses let us keep coming back.” “I always thought it was because we’re regulars and the fact that we bus our own tables when they’re busy.”
WoD Rough Draft..
Originally Posted somewhere else November 5, 2007
Right before landing.
I can't wait to get back to the normal.. What ever that is. I'm feeling a little edgy but I think it's from my trip. I know my mom loves me and she understands my need for solitude but at times our relationship is tenuous at best. I think it may have something to do with the way I was raised. But, she can't say anything about it and I will not tolerate it if she tries.. It's not like she has put her foot down or anything when it came to my upbringing.
I miss my bed. There's nothing like sleeping in ones own bed. Especially mine. :) Oh, Gaea is it beautiful. Queen sized with curtains for privacy and to blockout the sun. The only problem is stretching out in any other form aside from my homid form.. Sometimes I end up getting caught in the curtains and it's such a pain to replace them.
Let's see as soon as we land and I get out of this giant thing of a bird that feels too much like a cage, I think I may feel a little better once I get out and get a bite. I don't like eating when I'm in the air. And I've practically been in the air a whole day.. Urgh, Over 8000 miles in a day is nothing to sneeze at. I was stupid and used the refueling time to sleep rather than eat anything. So the plane got refueled and I didn't.
Man, I must be tired! I can't seem to keep my mind on one track. Land. Food, preferably one of those giant burritos with everything. Check in with Dad. (I missed him while I was gone but, I did need a break from all the order forms AND from his disapproval of whom I choose to love. It's not like he was conventional. I mean for the love of Gaea!! I'm half Werecat & half Werewolf!) Take a looong bubble bath. Then go see what damage has been done to the bar in my absence.
After landing...
Yes! Ground, solid ground. It's not that I don't mind flying, there's just something about the ground under your fet that feels so darn good. Hmm.. I should have worn lighter clothes. OK, we;; first things first, FOOD. Hmm.. I don't see Dad anywhere. Crap! Oh well, can't blame a girl for wanting to see her dad when she gets to the same continent he's on. Meh. He's probably still upset that I left to go see her. Well, well, well.. Look who we have here. Well at least Rory thought to show up to come get me.
I believe Rory is going to come sit with me while I get something to eat.. Oh yes, the giant burrito with a triple of 'quilla.. Mmm.. Feels so good to eat.
As I follow Rory our I see this beautiful old but new looking car. Hell! Around here I can't trust that something or someone is as old as they appear. Well, I may not know a lot about cats but, this one is beautiful. And I make some comment on the nice wheels.
Oh dear Lord!! Rory!! You can't just decide you like a car and drive off with it! Damnit! Like Hell I'm walking into town. I get in the car and try to relax one the way in. Might as well.
The Bar
When we get to the bar Louie is tending the place.. Hmm.. That seems a bit odd. Where's Dad? There was a not left for Rory & I. It says that Dad's not feeling too well and that he'd like me to take his place going to the Prince's birthday party. (SHITE!! There goes my bubble bath! Double SHITE!) I look at Rory kind of quizzically wondering why he thinks Dad is down. Something about repairs to the place and wha-? ..irritation rising.. "Just what did you guys do to the bar while I was gone??"
"What happened? .. Ask your Dad."
"Trust me I will" It may be my Dad's bar but this place is mine!
Rory wanders off somewhere to go get ready for this 'Red-tie' affair. I might as well go get ready too.
Mm.. Hot water. Too bad its not a bath. This'll just have to do for tonight. Well at least I hav ea dress that is appropriate for tonight. I absolutely love silk. I love this dress. It fits like a glove. Sheer black silk, side slits that go to midthigh and a blood red rose pattern slip underneath.. hehe.. This ought to stop a few vamps dead in there tracks.. Goddess this is gorgeous. Now, where the hell did I put that garter? Oh, there it is! That one'll go great with what I'm wearing and deal with the whole matter of where to put a weapon.. Okay. Ready.
Damn it all! Rory beat me back up here.. That little bastard! You know he cleans up quite nicely though. I guess he's got some date coming with us. I wonder what she looks like.. Hmm, is this her pulling up on that motorcycle? If it is she's coming in a little hot. Beautiful stopping maneuver. She's pretty but she looks kinda tough too.. I guess she'll do for him.. Huh. She smells kinda like him too. I wonder if he already bit her..
Right before landing.
I can't wait to get back to the normal.. What ever that is. I'm feeling a little edgy but I think it's from my trip. I know my mom loves me and she understands my need for solitude but at times our relationship is tenuous at best. I think it may have something to do with the way I was raised. But, she can't say anything about it and I will not tolerate it if she tries.. It's not like she has put her foot down or anything when it came to my upbringing.
I miss my bed. There's nothing like sleeping in ones own bed. Especially mine. :) Oh, Gaea is it beautiful. Queen sized with curtains for privacy and to blockout the sun. The only problem is stretching out in any other form aside from my homid form.. Sometimes I end up getting caught in the curtains and it's such a pain to replace them.
Let's see as soon as we land and I get out of this giant thing of a bird that feels too much like a cage, I think I may feel a little better once I get out and get a bite. I don't like eating when I'm in the air. And I've practically been in the air a whole day.. Urgh, Over 8000 miles in a day is nothing to sneeze at. I was stupid and used the refueling time to sleep rather than eat anything. So the plane got refueled and I didn't.
Man, I must be tired! I can't seem to keep my mind on one track. Land. Food, preferably one of those giant burritos with everything. Check in with Dad. (I missed him while I was gone but, I did need a break from all the order forms AND from his disapproval of whom I choose to love. It's not like he was conventional. I mean for the love of Gaea!! I'm half Werecat & half Werewolf!) Take a looong bubble bath. Then go see what damage has been done to the bar in my absence.
After landing...
Yes! Ground, solid ground. It's not that I don't mind flying, there's just something about the ground under your fet that feels so darn good. Hmm.. I should have worn lighter clothes. OK, we;; first things first, FOOD. Hmm.. I don't see Dad anywhere. Crap! Oh well, can't blame a girl for wanting to see her dad when she gets to the same continent he's on. Meh. He's probably still upset that I left to go see her. Well, well, well.. Look who we have here. Well at least Rory thought to show up to come get me.
I believe Rory is going to come sit with me while I get something to eat.. Oh yes, the giant burrito with a triple of 'quilla.. Mmm.. Feels so good to eat.
As I follow Rory our I see this beautiful old but new looking car. Hell! Around here I can't trust that something or someone is as old as they appear. Well, I may not know a lot about cats but, this one is beautiful. And I make some comment on the nice wheels.
Oh dear Lord!! Rory!! You can't just decide you like a car and drive off with it! Damnit! Like Hell I'm walking into town. I get in the car and try to relax one the way in. Might as well.
The Bar
When we get to the bar Louie is tending the place.. Hmm.. That seems a bit odd. Where's Dad? There was a not left for Rory & I. It says that Dad's not feeling too well and that he'd like me to take his place going to the Prince's birthday party. (SHITE!! There goes my bubble bath! Double SHITE!) I look at Rory kind of quizzically wondering why he thinks Dad is down. Something about repairs to the place and wha-? ..irritation rising.. "Just what did you guys do to the bar while I was gone??"
"What happened? .. Ask your Dad."
"Trust me I will" It may be my Dad's bar but this place is mine!
Rory wanders off somewhere to go get ready for this 'Red-tie' affair. I might as well go get ready too.
Mm.. Hot water. Too bad its not a bath. This'll just have to do for tonight. Well at least I hav ea dress that is appropriate for tonight. I absolutely love silk. I love this dress. It fits like a glove. Sheer black silk, side slits that go to midthigh and a blood red rose pattern slip underneath.. hehe.. This ought to stop a few vamps dead in there tracks.. Goddess this is gorgeous. Now, where the hell did I put that garter? Oh, there it is! That one'll go great with what I'm wearing and deal with the whole matter of where to put a weapon.. Okay. Ready.
Damn it all! Rory beat me back up here.. That little bastard! You know he cleans up quite nicely though. I guess he's got some date coming with us. I wonder what she looks like.. Hmm, is this her pulling up on that motorcycle? If it is she's coming in a little hot. Beautiful stopping maneuver. She's pretty but she looks kinda tough too.. I guess she'll do for him.. Huh. She smells kinda like him too. I wonder if he already bit her..
25 March 2007
URG!!!!
So, I'm at home being bored. I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me or not... or what the hell is going on anymore.
Lets see, I've given up on looking for a guy for a while... Reason why, the last year or two, Every time I've decided I actually really liked a guy, he's decided he likes one of my female friends who is younger, skinnier & prettier than me. What is it? Once you hit 22 your no longer attractive. Or is it that I'm not as small as my best female friend? I'll tell you what I used to be alot bigger than I am now. And its been hard to get to where I am now.
Anyway, one of my guy friends told me that its not because they're younger, prettier or skinnier than me... That it is because they're upbeat and happy.. I say not so. They can be in a crabby mood, look like they've had a bad week and appearently they're still more attractive than me or something.
I can't help it that I'm not like so many other girls out there trying to lead a guy on, just so she can see what she can get out of them. I don't like leading guys on. It's horrible. If I even think I've started to lead a guy on I start feeling guilty. I don't like guilt its very uncomfortable.
Maybe, my problem is I'm slightly old fashioned in the fact that I would like to get to know a guy first. That and the fact that I'm not looking to just go out and sleep with someone...
On to the other thing that's been bugging me tonight. This is the second weekend in a row that I've been ditched. And tonight was the second night in a row I've been ditched. I try really hard to understand but its getting harder. It's gotten really important to me to have a social life because I'm trying to not fall into a bout of depression but, I think I'm already there. I've been trying to not be particularly 'female' about this.
So, here is an important question. To game or not to game? OR To hang out or not to hang out? Maybe that really is the question. Hell, most of the time I don't know which way is up anymore. With so many things happening around me. Is it so bad to want some sort of stability? And where is this coming from? Where is usually comes from.. FRUSTRATION. I'm frustrated because I put aside time to do this, that, or the other thing with people and it friggin doesn't happen. Honestly all it says to me is that I think enough of you to make plans but your not important enough to follow through.
Heh, and people wonder why I'm not friggin chipper all the damned time! Come on people you can only be shat on so many times before it affects your self-esteem and self-worth.
Lets see, I've given up on looking for a guy for a while... Reason why, the last year or two, Every time I've decided I actually really liked a guy, he's decided he likes one of my female friends who is younger, skinnier & prettier than me. What is it? Once you hit 22 your no longer attractive. Or is it that I'm not as small as my best female friend? I'll tell you what I used to be alot bigger than I am now. And its been hard to get to where I am now.
Anyway, one of my guy friends told me that its not because they're younger, prettier or skinnier than me... That it is because they're upbeat and happy.. I say not so. They can be in a crabby mood, look like they've had a bad week and appearently they're still more attractive than me or something.
I can't help it that I'm not like so many other girls out there trying to lead a guy on, just so she can see what she can get out of them. I don't like leading guys on. It's horrible. If I even think I've started to lead a guy on I start feeling guilty. I don't like guilt its very uncomfortable.
Maybe, my problem is I'm slightly old fashioned in the fact that I would like to get to know a guy first. That and the fact that I'm not looking to just go out and sleep with someone...
On to the other thing that's been bugging me tonight. This is the second weekend in a row that I've been ditched. And tonight was the second night in a row I've been ditched. I try really hard to understand but its getting harder. It's gotten really important to me to have a social life because I'm trying to not fall into a bout of depression but, I think I'm already there. I've been trying to not be particularly 'female' about this.
So, here is an important question. To game or not to game? OR To hang out or not to hang out? Maybe that really is the question. Hell, most of the time I don't know which way is up anymore. With so many things happening around me. Is it so bad to want some sort of stability? And where is this coming from? Where is usually comes from.. FRUSTRATION. I'm frustrated because I put aside time to do this, that, or the other thing with people and it friggin doesn't happen. Honestly all it says to me is that I think enough of you to make plans but your not important enough to follow through.
Heh, and people wonder why I'm not friggin chipper all the damned time! Come on people you can only be shat on so many times before it affects your self-esteem and self-worth.
21 March 2007
Improved...
...But still has a ton of potential.
(01).jpg)
This is just one of a few edited versions of this picture.
First, I Cropped it, cutting out a window sill and most of the file cabinet.
Second, I changed the Color Temperature. Now the coloring is closer to how I remember it.
Third, I used a Soft Focus on it. It gives it a kind of dreamy feeling.
(01).jpg)
This is just one of a few edited versions of this picture.
First, I Cropped it, cutting out a window sill and most of the file cabinet.
Second, I changed the Color Temperature. Now the coloring is closer to how I remember it.
Third, I used a Soft Focus on it. It gives it a kind of dreamy feeling.
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